The Return (feat. Deadly Spider)

WE. ARE. BACK.

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Transcript

9:01

Ladies and gentlemen, we are back. Boys, are we back? We are back. I think we're back. more back, is what I would say. Well, I could be more back. Well yeah, you couldn't be further away, but we are back. Rushby, we're 20 seconds into our comeback, Rushby, please don't start me on New Zealand already. Let's start how we mean to go on, let's ramble through this, boys. How are we? Callum Roberts, please explain where the hell are you? Look mate, around a year ago you were there, we went to Malaga for the Davis Cup final. An incredible weekend, like one I'll never forget, one I will never forget. But when I woke up on that Monday morning, I knew I can't go home man. The fear, the fear was unbelievable. I was late to the airport, you guys left without me, I got there just home alone fashion, sprinting through, Kevin McAlister ran into the woman at the check in desk, she was like, are any of these papers yours? Even though we use phones now. I was like, yeah they must be, she was like, get, get on, get on, and I'm sitting there and I'm like, do we normally have TVs on a short haul flight? What the hell's going on here? And I was like, what the hell? Mate, my flight from Malaga to Glasgow? Took like 14 hours. I know, I was like, what the hell? I had to do a stop in Dubai. I was like, that's really odd, because I thought Glasgow was just a couple of hours away. Two minutes later, I'm a fucking Melbourne mate. Incredible. stopped at Dubai and somehow also go on another flight to another place? but like, look, I had the fear, mate, you know what I mean, you just don't want to ask. You just don't want to ask when you've got the fear, you're like, aw fuck, I'll just go on anyhow, just go on with it, man. So that's me, I've been here for nearly a year, yeah, incredible, man. I was going to take this secret to the grave, right? And Gary won't know about this because he wasn't there. Do you remember when we were going to the airport in Mallorca and the women kept trying to phone me that were renting the B &B from? Yeah. yeah, yeah. Not, I don't know who that was actually. well, Dylan, one of our friends at the time, had the keys and I was convinced that he hasn't put the keys back because he is useless. And that is fair assumption to make. But as they say, to assume makes an asset of you and me, in long story short, the keys were in the bottom of my bag and I had to send them back first class. I'm sorry, you're back. let's jump on, right? So I'm obviously upside down, so it's a tough podcast, that's why. If there's a few teething issues, then it's probably my fault. But let's make our way round. Gary Brown, I'm sure you've had the most exciting year out of any of us. Can you tell me what you've been up to? Just work bro, just work. Just have fun, just have fun. Work? Nah, nah I'm having a good beer. what I say. There we go, holidays, nah it's been good. Nice to you boys though, welcome on the ride. exciting as ever. Just as exciting. The fact you've summed up a whole calendar year basically of your movements but just yeah, it's okay. Had some holidays. wait a minute, Rusty. What time direction are you at? can we move him onto a darts one any time soon? Pricey boy, come on. I'm sure there's a lot of things you cannot tell us. I mean that's the problem is I can summarise my year if it's okay to just leave a few things out. I'm still sailing the seven seas, work in Trun, which is hardly, know, sailing an estuary more than anything. Nah, but you know, we've been hitting, I mean I've kind of fallen out of love with tennis, you can blame Gary Brown for that. While he was working and going on holidays, he was also being a Judas. and changing partners and leaving me in the dust. But no, to be honest with you, to keep it short, it's been a good year and I'm happy we're back on the airwaves. Yes, I love to hear it. What about yourself? How's life been? I know you've been stuck in that cabin for nearly 52 weeks. Are you okay now? I'm okay man, I mean I've been asked if I'm okay probably weekly, which probably means I'm not but I think I was cryogenically frozen pretty much for the last year. To be fair, the year up to the last couple of weeks was an absolute shocker but the last couple of weeks is decent, it's all good, I a tax rebate, yeah, buzzing about that, absolutely buzzing about that and my nephew was born, so happy. happy news for the family. another Patrick is in the world so fantastic. Yeah thanks man. Cheers. yeah, I mean how many injuries? Well recently, that's probably the shocker what I talking about, the most recent injury was a tore ligaments in my ankle. Played football so that's me retired. Hey man, I don't have stairs in my house, I'm not that fancy man. Ross, please not allowed up the stairs. There's a gate across the bottom of the stairs so he doesn't go up them. The guy building Rospi's house, he wants to stay. I'm not that fancy, bro. I don't need this. Lazy. instead of the height of Just a big long... Just a wide house, please, Aye, aye, no, it's been good, it's been good, it's been good recently, but shocker of injuries. it. Love to hear it. Anyhow boys, it's been a year since we've done a podcast. So there's obviously a lot of tennis to catch up on which we're not gonna do. Right? thing that we should really be catching up on straight away? Yes. Yes. you mind if I just, I love you, Callum, it's so good to hear from you again and I'm glad you're safe. But can we just please move on to what happened exactly 48 episodes ago when I told you Benjamin Bonzi was the one to watch? Can't believe it mate, the week we've decided to restart the pod, Benjamin Bonzi is a winner on the ATP Tour. Yes! The Bonzi tree is back. The Bonzi tree is back. If you can do some filler content here, I'm just going right on to look at his winning run and we will go through it together. Wow. I've just, I haven't even realised this because there's a lot to, there's a lot to dissect from this. I know we weren't going to go right into the tennis, but beating Batista are good, easy enough. Beating Caspar Scud, Caspar Rudd, sorry, sensational. Quinton Hallis, huge fan of the pod, he'll be happy we're back. Then Beaton, is it? It was. I think it came out right. And then we got Mikkel, is it Mikkelsen? Mikkelsen? Not the golfer obviously. But that was the, I don't know if anyone saw that, he couldn't serve and was hitting like full, Western grip forehands in for serves. Surely one of you saw that, he had like an injury and couldn't serve. All underarm serving. made the game competitive in the third set, which was unbelievable, and then beaten the boring favourite from home, Cam Norrie. What a run! Big Ham, talking about Big Ham, no Ross Skinner today guys. Ross Skinner is now a father, so congratulations to him. He is not on the pod because he is a father. That's basically the reason. Yep, is, he is gone full Darth Vader. Anyhow boys, there's also been a lot going on in the world. And as I said, we're not gonna cover everything tennis from the last year because that will take us too long and we are here for a laugh rather than a long boring episode like other podcasts do. We are going straight on to massive news in the world. There was a presidential election. done which was worldwide massive. And recently in Pricey's trousers there was a presidential erection. You yeah that's that's that's funny that's funny cow that's mate. Right, okay, presidential election, so it got me thinking boys. Got me thinking. If you were president of tennis, alright, just as a whole, is there anything you would change in the sport? Anything you would do? First time in as president, what are we doing? Give me your thoughts boys. Can I just clear something up? Is it like a US thing? Do you get two terms? So you've kind of got to rush things through or can it be like indefinite? long as you want mate, what's the first thing you're changing? Honestly, if I'm being entirely honest, this might not go down well with our more politically correct viewers. I would make tennis more easy to gamble on. I would offer something like, say an early payout when you gamble on football. Like, see if you go a set and a double break up, give me my money man. Or in a grand slam if you're two sets and a break up or know, something, give me a stat, like give me a... for two sets in a slam. I love that. Or like you can, or you can freeze the bet like you can on Skybet like you know, can you imagine someone like, I don't know, some absolute scud going 15 love up against Djokovic. Freeze the bet, he's won. the sport's not changing at all, you're just making it accessible for gambling addicts. Well, mean I haven't really I've thought I've seen you know Twitter is all for X as it's called now is always good for hit you with some motivational quotes I saw thing that you could Gamble away 100 % of your money and lose everything or you could win 2,000 % of it minimum. So you gotta look at it that way Please gamble responsibly Well, yeah, good luck at skitter 365 good luck topping that boys I love that. That is a great addition to the game. Gary, Ross P, anything that you would change in the game to make it maybe a little bit more exciting. Well, mean, Mains is, what have you said there, guy? get me the angles. Dengus. DINGOS! It's called live ball out here, which I don't Live ball! Dingos is a great shout. Dingos is a great shout. Just take away the... Take away doubles altogether, because no one watches it. And just make it dingos. because doubles is actually better than singles if you think about it on the whole. Yeah, probably. To play. if you're a tennis fan, it's more entertaining I think, but as a whole. But like, see the casual viewers don't watch it, they just watch singles, big matches. That's yeah that's true that but got it a president, you could have like a slogan. So my would be make doubles great again. It's very on point as well though. There we go. Yeah, nice one. Ross P, any changes for the sport? Well, I Mines is... I'm a big fan of Mines, but I can't take full credit for it. I could take 90 % of the credit for it, to be fair. Richard Osmond came out with a rule change for tennis scoring. You'd go... Every set would be first of four games, it'd be best of seven sets. The games are all the same. Like, the number of games would be the same as it would be an actual match, but you'd get to the crucial points quicker. So my... proposal is you do that format on all Tour level events except Masters and Grand Slams. So all like the 250s and the 500s, there's a less viewership. Best of 7 sets, first of 4 games and then when you get to Masters it's best of 3 sets, regular as we do it now and then when it's Grand Slam it's still best of 5. So you've got those sort 3 levels of it but you've got quicker, more important points on the like 250s and 500 levels that hasn't got. viewership that the Masters and the Grand Slams do. Yeah, nice. Boring. Thanks. Yeah, thanks. know, I could hear it because I wasn't getting interrupted, I knew it was boring. Because I thought you were just listening to me to stop talking. But, I mean, to be fair, I think it's actually a great, legitimate argument that could be really useful for the world. But you know what? Fuck you guys. If you're not going to listen to the actual presidential, like you're going to start betting on stuff and Gary's just said the one word, dingles. That's it. He just said dingles. That's his presidential thing. So on his manifesto is just dingles. P would be the first president in terrorist massacenators. Hey, hey, hey, that's not funny man Guys, I've got a good one. fired at Queen. You got a good one, I've got a good one. I would totally allow doping. Yes! Now we're talking, yes! have you developed in a lisp? I'm sure you just went, yes. Well you're talking parcel tongue. No, I haven't, sorry, was drinking out my loosely strung mug. Merch not available. Yeah so boys I would do doping, I would do complete doping and just make everyone like fucking incredible athletes. Like everyone doped up to the max, like if you don't dope there's something wrong with you and they're all like everyone's just fucking monstrous athletes. like you get branded like a loser. You get branded badly if you don't dope. Like shame, shame when they come on the court. being, being like 15, 16 again and not trying alcohol and quotation marks or whatever else and just being like, mate, why you not drinking, man? Why you not trying it, bro? It's just a laugh. Just some guy not doping, he's like, I want this water to be clean and he's like, look at this guy, man, he'll never make it. Boring, Yeah, what they dope with. parallel. One's juiced up and one isn't. See what gets better views. I know what would. Juiced up. 100 % juiced up. up one, some juiced up guy lasting about 30 minutes playing. Massive stay. your coaches at club level? You need to get kids into performance enhancing drugs at an early age. This is grassroots. How good would that be man? Watching everyone just total juiced up. I think it's maybe the way for them to go. I reckon half of them are juicing anyhow. Obviously we had the sinner dope in case he was like one millionth of a gram or something. And look how good he's been. Let's up it a little bit and make everyone juice and we'll hopefully have some of the best entertainment in sport history. This is a great message we're sending out to the tennis world. It sums us up to be fair. serious tennis podcast. We're here to enjoy it, make tennis fun again. We're not like everyone else. We want to have a laugh. So if it's not for you, that's off. a like we took we took a good year out because it's been pretty boring it's been don't get me wrong I've enjoyed watching Alcaraz and Senna be the top two blokes I've enjoyed the Novak Downfall more than anyone But can you really point out another great thing about the tour in the last 52 weeks? No, that was sad news man, sad news. I was really emotional actually, honestly this past year I've been in touch with my emotions man, I was crying to that. The fed doc, the feds are a doc. here? Sorry, can I just butt in here? Look, Russ P, that's absolutely brilliant to hear and we want to promote that message to everyone. Just because you're a man does not mean you can't have feelings and you can't be in touch with them. Russ P, carry on, but good on. Good on you. up. Sorry. No, must I retire and get honestly that run that the Olympics were able is unreal man absolutely jumping on my skin but that Fedor doc the bit that got me at the Fedor doc was when Djokovic got upset I was like that broke me because if he's crying I need to. Something else probably I cried him as well can't remember but see that you know I've got the jar of questions next to me right so see as you were talking and take the piss. Okay. Well actually, to be fair, yeah. Is that, is that like a, is that a dangerous one? Do you have to handle that right now? I don't know what that means, mate. That's like, pretty dangerous. You guys continue, I'm gonna get rid of this. Okay, okay. Well... Peay's emotional moment, I've obviously got a few weeks to be around you guys again to get myself ready for Nadal. Which honestly, I think, I know I was having a laugh and a joke there, but it will be so different without the likes of your Murrays, Nadal and Federer on the tour. And do know what? I'll be sad when Jokovic goes. Not in the same way, but it is, and I know we use these words together so easily these days, but it's totally the end of an era. That is... Tennis will not get better than that in our lifetime. I'm happy to say that. Maybe you'll see some absolute brilliance from the likes of Al Kharaz. I mean, when young Al Kharaz comes through, his younger brother is looking sensational as well. It's going to be good to watch and it'll be fun. We're always going to love this sport, but it will never be the same without that feeling. No you're right. Good car. connection with Murray as well, obviously because he was from Scotland and stuff but it's good to see Draper doing well. Hopefully he can come out. I've got much more of a soft spot for Draper than I did for Cabanari. I'm a huge Stan Evans fan for more personal reasons than tennis. But Draper, I have got a soft spot for him. I was going to say something there about some of the other old boys. looking at like, he's seen Stan Rovrinka still go out and ball out. I love it. He had a nice wee run there. He's on the other side, Gasky is going at the flamshed now. Yeah, that's a shame because he kind of went, he announces retirement the same day as Nadal and it kind of all went under the radar as a physicist. to to this back-end ever. Hey guys. Hey Bart, have you dealt with that spider? Yeah, that's a poisonous spider. Nice, what did you do with it? I just carried it. With what? I just with a caddister I just got it wrapped up and smashed it. That is a white tail they are pretty poisonous so sorry guys back to the pod. open the window. No, what the... So guys, we're really sorry to say someone's actually muffled Gary. So if we lose him, life's tough. see his camera either so we no idea what's going on there. Yes, his boss has got him pulling him away, he's been gagged. Yeah, anyhow guys, what did I miss there? Pricey was getting touched by the emotional. it was going to be a total, I know we say this so much, but it's going to be the end of an era and it will never be repeated I don't think. But was also saying how in British tennis for us with Andy Murray, I've taken a real soft spot to Jack Draper. I didn't get it with Kam Norrie and I was saying only for personal reasons, I really like Dan Evans because he's cool as fuck. yeah, and then we kind of touched on Wolverinca. Having a wee run there as well is good to see, and Monfils as well. Yeah, it's just going to be a tough year for the sport, but I think, think fuck we are back to try and carry, carry them through a little bit. I know. See, the jar of quite, I was in middle of saying this and then the spider interrupted me. But it was a fair interruption, it was a danger to your life to be honest with which you probably don't get on many podcasts. yeah, I've got the jar of questions and I pulled out just randomly one while we talking about the whole doping thing and the first one I brought out was what's the worst sports crime, taking a banned substance or match fixing? It just came out. as you were doing that and talking about it. I know another boring little bit from me there but I just thought it was a fun wee fact. I'll share with you guys. it. What's worse? Match fixing or doping? Definitely match fixing. Not fake. hang with that now or it'll be fair. I don't know. No, matchfixing, it's the whole integrity of it's fucked, can't matchfix. Doping. at least if you're a gopher, you can't really matchfix to win can you? No. Yeah, it's a whole lie. At least through the open you're seeing someone actually like two people battle, with match fixing that is already predetermined. Yeah, that's about David versus Goliath, two people back then. try and lighten the podcast back up here? Because something I think we agreed we were gonna talk about and we've missed it a wee bit. What about this Six Kings slam? What we thinking? great shout. Well, do you know what, Pricey? I guess everyone has different opinions on it, but if I was one of the six players that were invited, there was a 100 % chance that I would sign the contract and say, thank you, can you send the money straight into my bank account? Because that is an incredible payday. I'm sure Sonner played like what, two matches or three matches and walked away with six million? Yep, I am. have won like six games and got like three million or something like that for it. Yeah, I would love to take a nice political stance, but send me that money, baby. I'll do it all again next year. And if you want to make it eight kings, go for it. Whatever you like. Do the draw, however you like. Can we get in fact to the Saudis Absolutely and I tell you what though, I bought totally into the hype of that release video. It was really good. I enjoyed it and the best thing about it for me was how clearly five of the players were right into it and the DAL could just not be fucked. So that's also a good thing for me that tennis is still alive. It is incredible though, like, the Saudi stuff is mad. We obviously just had the WTA finals there, one of the flagships events on the women's tour. Probably with about 40 fans, 50 fans watching, like genuinely horrendous. They made an absolute fat stack man, like incredible money. but playing in front of zero fans for the flagship event of the year. I think that's one for me would have to be against the the Saudi stuff. Like the exhibition, the Six Kingslam, who cares who's there man, just take the money. But for an event like that, surely it's got to be in a place where people actually appreciate the sport. I mean, like if the sport wants to grow, having less people watching than grassroots football on a Sunday morning and body. I don't know, Easter House is not the way for this sport to go. I think it's horrendous. Is that going to change though? Is the actual audience over there for that event going to change? Or... Like... It's not going to change. eight women playing tennis in Saudi? I don't think they care at all. I don't even know if the men's would fill to be honest. think it's a bit of a waste of... And you know it's not a big event when they don't get Neymar out for it because they basically get him out for every single fucking event that's there. Yeah. They've messaged him, WTA finals and he's like, nah, nah, nah, He actually played his first match in about two years instead of going to watch that so that must be how bad it was. Are you guys able to, while we record here, look at a WhatsApp message? Because there's something I'd like to address on the podcast. I can just talk you through it if not, but I've sent two pictures into our WhatsApp group chat. And the crux of it for the listeners, obviously this is great podcasting. I would like to discuss the downfall in the ability of tennis players to dress themselves. I do think we've just lost Callum there. we might have him back. I've obviously managed to find the picture of Nadal, Murray, Federer and Djokovic in proper black suits and both ties. And then I'm looking at the current ATP men's finals where there's not a single suit that fits anyone. There's no ties and they're ridiculously far away from the camera. I mean, Rude's the best dress there, I think. Yeah, and it's not, but then he's just wearing a coat. That's not even a suit jacket. So what are we getting at here Pricey? You think the way people dress have gone downhill here? Is that the rabbit hole we're going down? I just, that is not a ref... I mean, I don't want to go down the utter woke nonsense route here. But I think it needs to be discussed. This is the end of year finals for what we would... You know, as tennis players, I think we would agree that it's not a high-end sport, you know, it's not necessarily a poor sport. But people looking out from the inside, I think the picture with Murray and all that is more of a representation of what tennis is really like. And then they've just dressed up one, two, three, four, five, six... eight diddies in suits that don't fit them and they are the best in the world. Yeah, ATP have done that, they've not done that themselves. The Tour have done that to them. much more fun to assume that none of them can dress. Yeah, no, I know, it tells you what the ATP are doing. Yeah, it'll be fine. so guys, have you ever worn a linen shirt before? you ever had just everyone dressed in like Marks and Spencers belts where the belt has not got any holes but it's all a hole? That's great. That's cool, isn't it? It's a really cool design the way it is, it's flexible and it stretches and can just put it wherever you don't have to. Like usually with the leather belts. Heather Watson knows. She knows what's going on. No, the hair, I've, I've cut my hair now. Actually, I know you can't see it, but I've actually tried to look after it today. are obviously getting towards the end of our podcast. We have rattled through nearly 30 minutes of absolute nonsense. This is basically just a... This is a welcome back pod from us. And we'll probably get into some more action and stuff next week. Just a basic catch up from... Where we've been for the last year and what maybe the plans are going forward. I thought maybe Sky Sports but I reckon Talk Sports is probably more the place for us. Yeah, think Talk Sport will be the place for us. But look, what a feeling being back. We are ready to take over. It's going to be the biggest podcast in the world, I would like to reiterate like we did in very early podcasts when we first started this, at the tennis podcast we would still like to play you in a game of doubles because we would absolutely f***ing scud you and I think it's important that we... Yeah, absolutely. open challenge to anyone that thinks they're good enough to take us on. Even if you're in... If you're Down Under, I'll play in a singles. If you're back home, pick two of them. Probably Gary and Pricey. To play doubles. Rustby's injured. Let's fucking do it. Boys... Let's fucking do it. then? Folks, thank you very much for listening, if there is any of you, because we did a poll of this about six weeks ago saying would you like us to come back and about 90 % of people said no. See, be honest Calum, I've never seen that poll either. So, I don't know if that poll sent me, but the actual- It's just making shit up man, it's just making shit up. I'm supposed to react to the live stuff. we make it. I'm not gonna say it's nasty. Folks, thank you very much for listening boys, it's so good to have you back and we will see you next week. I don't know what to do. I was starting to